a great big sigh of something or the otherSaturday, January 31, 2004
tonight i lived the life that i have always wanted to believe is possible for me every day. first a few basics of my life as of late:
1) i have become prematurely responsible and have had to be to work for my eight a day, forty a week, fifty a year for the past eight and a half months going. it seems like too much sometimes, when all of my friends are young and in college and such.
2) the words stopped all of the sudden a few months ago, just as i pledged to write more, sleep less, and become a better person. they just ran dry, and i haven't been able to od any of that.
3) my friends are the greatest people in the world. all of the stories and all of the life and all of the desire. these are people that i can live with and the aforementioned responsibility is worth being here.
n
tide and timeMonday, January 12, 2004
i feel useless
against the new and the march
of time
and it stings like nothing
and everything
in this cocktail.
--broken goggles and bamboo--Saturday, April 26, 2003
i spent the night with ghosts tonight, all the ghosts of my childhood. the ghosts were really echoes and memories, everything that i carry around with me, but hardly have occasion to remember.
i remember riding bikes around the neighborhood on summer evenings, trying not to hear mom's call to come in and go to bed. and i remember mike and ritchie, big and little brother, who played hockey in their driveway, and always pretended that their bikes were motorcycles. and after they moved away, Joyce and Mary, their female counterparts moving into the house next door.
i remember lemonade stands and summer storms and bee bee guns and the same movies over and over and over. i remember fights in the side yard and our fort in the back.
i remember my best friend's grandmother yelling at us for stomping on her bamboo grove, and hearing the stories of all that i missed on vacation.
i remember all the games without rules, and years and years of sunday comics.
i remember my first job, my first love, and the first time the world opened up for us. I remember all of it.
i spent the night with ghosts tonight, and not the one that hovers in the kitchen at the cape, or the one that knocks down towels and pokes the shower curtain in my girl friend's bathroom, or even the ghost of my grand mother, late at night, playing piano and singing in her old house as my grandfather and i sleep. the ghosts that i watched tonight, spoke with, raised my drink to were those of the children that used to live here. that used to play here. that had no idea what the future held. the children who knew that life had no petty pace, simply by the speed that the long awaited summer ran away from them.
and after so long, looking at the old neighborhood from the front porch, i go inside to sleep on the couch, no longer fitting at all in that bed that once held all of my dreams.
noah
--thinking--Tuesday, February 4, 2003
today i spent the day sitting around and thinking, so let it neve be said that i never do that. i hope that there isn't anyone anywhere that doesn't just think about things now and again, if there is, i bet that they're watching TV right now.
the best decisions are made on instinct, true, but those moments are not every moment, so sometimes it is best to think about the things in your life. which is not to say that when you have to make your final decisions, they won't be completely different from the proxy decisions that you made earlier. which might be the right decision anyway.
yesterday i thought all day about giving up. i thought about what that would feel like, after having given so much. i thought about what my life would be like. i would be free. i would be alone. one thing was for sure, i wouldn't be happy, not by a long shot.
to give up would mean that i would have to stop caring, and i can't do that. because despite all of the thinking, i still feel so much.
so i take the day and think. i think about spaceships exploding and worry about the earth being poisoned forever by falling debris. i think about my cousin who has a brain tumor that will kill him soon, and how i haven't called him yet. i wonder if i did call him what i would say. i think about never getting it together, and spinning tires forever. i think again about collecting my poems from the summer and printing a small booklet. i think about going back to school. i think about people in love never able to get it together. i think about you.
noah
--love will tear us apart--Sunday, January 26, 2003
woke up today at about noon, and quickly, after checking for snow outside, in the case of which, i would stay in bed for a few more hours, slid into my jeans. if there was new snow, nothing in the world, not even the promised riches, could make me go and shovel the new snow in addition to the other snow that has to be moved from it's happy home on the handicap ramp at my work. we've had complaints
as i'm pulling on my pants, catch out of the corner of my eye, the last unopened envelope from her, and tear it open, knowing what will be on one side, and then being floored by the six words that are on the other. i put on my glasses, which i don't need to see, only to see better, and i am suddenly warmed by the realization that jess will be home tomorrow.
i'm out the door and munching on an apple, trying to finish it before i get to the car, eating the last few bites as i sit down and change CDs. i settle for a motown collection and put the inedible stem in the ashtray along with the previous owners cigarette butts. he bought all of his cigarettes at the supermarket that he worked at, which was at the end of the world, and that means that these are the most expensive ashes in the state.
the five minute ride to work is uneventful, and i leave my car whistling smokey robinson,... 'that taste of honey is worse than none at all'
i spend three hours shoveling long overfrozen snow into a pile in the middle of the lot. they're going to use a plow to move it to the side, but i'll be home by then. the sun has finally come out, but i feel the cold, not cold enough to stop the predicled snow, but still cold.
i think about seeing her again tomorrow, and about working every day, and there is a slight tinge of worry about moving at the beginning of the summer.
i mouth six words to myself and feel infinitely better about the future.
whistling to myself, i lean the shovel against the rail and walk up the ramp and into the store to warm up.
noah
--my time--Monday, December 23, 2002
it's a fucking detail that will break you
after a life of shouldering the world
because your life is just a fucking detail
and a detail won't stop it all
but you can add up all of those details
and they still don't add up to a life
there's just that much more in you
than what is in the world
noah
--to work, gentlemen--Saturday, December 21, 2002
so i am ending the day smelling like cigarettes, smoked by others in a coffee bar with live music. i never know where life will drop me at the end of the day. and it has been a mixed bag lately, and i have been wavering between the ultimate freedom from classes and college and the like, and the depression that comes with being aimless. i panic, thinking "what the hell am i doing?" and then i realize that i have the rest of my life to sort that out. i have come to truly believe that my life can assume the shape that i had seen it in long ago. i think that i have touched something that has been deep inside me for a very long time. i think that i have the ability to make myself a good writer, or at least enough of one not to hate myself for not trying. there is so much that i want to be, and so much that i am.
i was talking to Pat at work, a wonderful costa rican woman, who's daughter i went to high school with. we were complaining about the snow, and relishing the rain that had heated up the mid afternoon, and was melting the snow that usually doesn't go until early spring. "i want to be buried in costa rica." she told me "i don't want my bones jangling and shivering in the ground. i told my husband that when i am gone i want to be cremated and have him go to the mountains there and let me go." i felt a pang of guilt, i could see her husband, bearded and years older wearing loss and happiness for every second of his life on his face, setting pat free. i could see the days after this her death, and i was happy that she got home. but that is years away, and our wheels are turning, not spinning, and hopefully, we'll all find our homes.
noah
--crackety--Sunday, October 27, 2002
too many girls in my life? perhaps. but as it was put to me by lisa and erica, punk rockers to the max:"you just choose us over your male friends because we have breasts"
perhaps.
but i rather think that it is because of the wonderful praise of the southern devils and owners of the keys to the golden kingdom, jessica and erin, and their queries of "why are you here?" and "do me!?" that serve as the reason for my continued ditching of the boys in order to go shoe shopping.
--space--Friday, September 13, 2002
i have this little dream of going into space. or maybe it is just the feeling that i am standing on the launchpad in a space suit, waiting for the little elevator to come down, and take me up to the capsule. i'm so scared, and excited at the same time. it's as if all the times i've been told 'you have the rest of your life' weren't true anymore. and all i have is that moment, space helmet in hand, not knowing wether or not i am going to be millions of miles from home by beginning of the next week. or bits of cinder that are still taking their time to float down through the sky. the tragedy taking all of the time that it's allotted to play out. and weeks later, in the blackness, doing my figures, even though there is a computer that will do them all for me anyway, the depths of space are cold. but by far not the coldest possibility.
noah
--shine--Wednesday, September 11, 2002
in this new chapter
i have a headache
soft as a beautiful dream
and i have a heartache
that fails to materialize
and in this part
this act
this verse
it seems your utter carefulness
is matched only
by my newfound fearlessness
to replace the certainty
whose head i had to beat
against the basement floor
or maybe just let go
for not doing his job
noah
--fuck--Saturday, September 7, 2002
and just as i was reminding myself
that crutches were for walking
along comes new evidence
that blows my indignation out of the water
fuck
he loves her
fuck
he cares
and fuck
i have too much myself
already
so i go back to the salt mines
and back to my labours
because that's what's right
and i know what will happen
and that's what's right
noah
--eleven--Saturday, September 7, 2002
looking back
over a small stretch of time
that i am dragging behind me
it seems that there was a mistake
and that i can have that life
i always wanted
and that i can tear away
the captions on the photos
of that life that came before
noah
--Epilogue--Tuesday, September 3, 2002
well, the truly epic summer that i was planning on didn't seem to quite happen, though it did have it's moments, and i have escaped unscathed, for the most part. the money that i was planning on having saved really didn't happen, but as i was going to spend it on a car and i had one materialize for cheap early on in the summer, i figure that i owe it to the economy to spend as much as i can on pants and other things. and i didn't get to write as much as i would have liked to, but i got a lot of thinking done, and have more twisted plans than i know what to do with.
meanwhile, i keep thinking that i can get this erratic heart of mine under control, but, no, of course not. it seems like i get my emotions cornered and have my weapon drawn, ready to get rid of that old cart that is before this horse, but then just lose interest, or get distracted by some pretty song lyrics floating by. either way though, i am a lot happier with myself lately, and am ready to rule the world. iron fist for me, ponies and nutella for everyone else. deal? good.
but, this fall is looking up. i have good classes, all at night, and it looks like i won't be working all that much, another good thing. and i think that i am going to try sleep with a beautiful girl as often as i can, because that's what makes me happy and that's the kind of man i am. a sleepy one. goodnight dear friends
noah
--kittens-chapter one--Sunday, August 18, 2002
not very long after my father vowed that we were never to have a pet again, there appeared on out doorstep a small kitten, shaking and meowing. my sister named her weetzie, and she never strayed far from the porch that fall, and was a friend to the entire family, greeting us on our ways home from school and work.
all the while, raechel lobbied that she become our new pet, but they fell upon deaf ears, as the families allergies had cleared up since the passing of out last cat, at the age of twenty two, nearly three years before.
one night,however, when he came home from work, dad came through the front door holding Weetzie, dusted lightly in the crystals of the first snow. from then on, we had a new cat. because it was her idea, it became raechels cat.
--full--Sunday, August 18, 2002
there are a multitude of things in this world worse than being woken up for dinner. especially if that dinner is grilled squash and mashed potatoes,........ i write a lot about food and sleep.
noah
--all inclusive--Saturday, August 17, 2002
oh the indignity. there is now a special place in heaven for me, i have served the ultimate pennance. in the middle of straightening the shelves at 230, the power went out. no big deal, happens all the time. except that it didn't come back on. and after a while the cooler cases needed to be either covered or evacuated. and thus it fell to me, the only vegetarian on hand, to put all of the packages of meat into shopping carts and wheel them into the meat locker.,.... i no longer fear any of the devils of hell after the meat locker. the only consolations that i had were the beautiful tapes furnished by the fine miss jessie. the songs of sigur ros and ben folds kept me from screaming and running out of the store. and even then, i spent two and a half hours gagging and retching before the power came back on, taunting me. i then promptly excused myself and washed my hands clear to my shoulders.
then came the reprieve, i was given the rest of the night to wander around the store and put up miscelaneous items that had fallen by the wayside. a nice stroll with radiohead by my side, and my breathing had resumed a normal rate. sliced pimento goes here, coffee goes there.
and even by six, the morning was getting better and better as i had decided to take my break. the opening strains of 'king of carrot flowers part 2' perfectly accompanied the sun rising and appearing from behind the gigantic tower on the skyline. and what's more, my salvation army walkman runs on a yet undisclosed power source which allows it to run forever on two double a batteries.
i would have settled for ending the night vomiting a minimum of blood, but instead i get the breezy rest of the night that i deserve, followed by incredible beauty. it just gets better and better,....well, i suppose that it would have to.
--interlude--Monday, August 12, 2002
you wake up in the morning
and i'm in the kitchen
radio already on, no shoes
as i wash the dishes
i shrug in my suspenders
and my undershirt is wet and soapy
as i whistle through my smile
and you stand watching
before you pick up the tune
and throw both arms around me
and hold for a while
before putting on water for tea
noah
--more and more--Saturday, August 10, 2002
lying on the floor
trying to breathe deep
despite the pain
right behind my heart
and in an instant
where i almost give in
i remember the words
that have made my life
and i have the time
to live by the songs
which make me dream
of waking
noah
--sleep late when you can--Saturday, August 10, 2002
shit babe, don't listen to me, you know that i just say a lot of stuff.
noah
--matters of consequence--Saturday, August 10, 2002
i am heartbroken
noah
-allies-Friday, August 2, 2002
it seems that there is a small conspiracy to make me insanely happy. the last precinct reported in last night, a very remote but happy one. and though the report was average, the tones and inferences were that they desperately wanted me to win. i am a cryptic bugger, but that's all you get.
noah
--tangled--Tuesday, July 30, 2002
still talking to myself
repeating words to live by
listening to themesongs
from alternate lives, rejected
words from both echoing in my head
like waking from a wet dream
or the waves crashing in the distance
noah
--horror story--Tuesday, July 30, 2002
Part I:
it's night time on the beach and there is a bonfire on the beach, around which there are a dozen people playing. from any direction on the beach, you can see the silhouettes of people running around, drinking from bottles, kissing, making snow angels in the sand and generally having the type of fun time that young people have on the beach. this is DJ Europe's party, and all of the people here are summer help imported from various Eastern European countries.
the host is giving a slightly tipsy dissertation on the history of dance music in America to Rim, a Lithuanian who works four jobs nearly every day, and who plans to live for the entire rest of the year without working when he gets home. Suddenly, DJ Europe is hit by inspiration, and calls out to everyone to pile into his van and head back to his club, Club Mix, and dance to his set. the young foreigners resist at first, not wanting to end their cavorting in the sand, on this unreasonably hot summer night. finally, they are swayed by the fact that they are almost out of strong drink, and the fact that Club Mix has a fully stocked bar.
the entire crew trudges up the dune, toward the parking lot at the edge of the sand. all twelve of the alien boys and girls cram themselves into the big empty space, sans seatbelts, in the back of the DJ's rusted beast of a van.
"is everyone alright back there?", calls Europe, and is met with a variety of liquored replies, no one paying attention to the driver's query, each with their own distraction, many attempting and failing to keep from spilling drinks. DJ Europe opens and closes his eyes several times to try to focus on the short drive ahead. Engine started, Europe puts the vehicle into drive and begins to move.
"THUMP!",...."THUMP!" "THUMP!", suddenly, there is a thumping noise like a gunshot coming first from the rear of the van, and then the roof, which is now dented slightly. screams and shreiks of terror fill the van, everyone is in a panic. those carefully guarded beverages are spilled, and even the six foot four inches tall Rasto begins to panic. there is a silence inside the van, as they discuss what to do, considering the gentle tapping and sound like dripping water against the metal shell of the van.
after several minutes , DJ Europe decides after several more drinks in the span of minutes that it is his duty to go and see what the hell that could be.
as he climbs outside the van, everyone holds their breath, Paulina, a young Slovakian, begins to whimper softly.
as he sticks his head above the roofline of the van, something grabs his head and pulls him toward it. Europe screams curses in several languages and closes his eyes, awaiting his most likely painful fate. the rest of the van screams in empathy.
the painful, head chomping, hair stuck in it's teeth death that the DJ had anticipated does not come, however, he is simply kissed on the forehead. he screams again, curses again when he realized what it is that has grabbed him. he hits the roof dweller several times and returns to the van.
"relax people, it's only the philosopher." they all release that hed breath at the same time, collectively relieved. the scraggly man on the roof comes down "sorry Europe, i spilled my beer all over your roof, and then fell asleep", says the philosopher in Russian, his thin fingers tucked in the overly long sleeves of his loosely knit sweater "and i'm sorry for speaking in Russian, i lost my Slovak somehow, strange thing, to lose your own language"
"get in and shut the door, you idiot"
--art--Sunday, July 28, 2002
i saw a charcoal sketch today at the flea market of a nude woman. and passing by several times, i got the feeling that this sketch (a rather large one) was done by someone that hates her, but is fucking her anyway.
noah
--mercy--Saturday, July 27, 2002
i had a very stained glass dream yesterday. it was a patchwork of everything that i want, including a few things that i had thought i had to give up on.
and i was thrown into a bad mood for the rest of the night. having your own brain dangle in front of you things that you can't have is the worst form of torture that i have been subjected to.
though they have not started in with the thumbscrews yet,.......
noah
--out of my hide--Friday, July 26, 2002
i am beginning to go crazy, i think. or maybe this is the follow through, and i began a long time ago when i decided that i wanted to try to go genuinely insane.
i keep thinking up little tests for my own endurance that i want to run near the end of the summer. things that will answer questions like "how long can i go without food AND sleep?" and "i wonder what the pharmacy's blood pressure machine will read if i eat a whole lot of diet pills, wash them down with coffee, and do jumping jacks?" But aside from these inqueries and the joys of staying up way past my bedtime's bedtime, it seems like i make refrences to things that have not yet passed into my spectrum of knowledge, it's like i have that special knowledge that my lit professor was always talking about, but not all bible-y like.
i do apologize for this, it's like Ivan said "you look tired" and he said that, oh yes, at eleven last night, why do i do it, mommy? because the grocery gods are vengeful and will strike you down if you do not do the little dance every night. i always have so much to say, but it is all wiped away by the waves of insanity in the morning. regardless, remind me to tell you about the wonderfully epic trip i had home, as well as the poor egyptian dog,.... i know, i shouldn't leave myself notes like this, but there you go.
Jacno Wiwor
--armaments--Monday, July 22, 2002
i really need some sort of death laser. if i had a really neat looking one, i bet you i could spell it 'Death Lazer' and no one would complain, they would just admire the flashy way in which i am disposing of those who have made my Shit List. and it is a looooooooong list, far longer than one would expect. but it is okay, instead of a death laser (or lazer, as is your preference) i am just going to have to use the sharpened knitting needle, because that is what franco and jessie told me to do.
noah
--dangerosity--Saturday, July 20, 2002
the candles at the table
are waxy sticks of dynamite
and the long walks on the beach
are attempts to sink each other in the sea
the trip to lovers lane
is parking on fault lines
but we've never been happier
and we've never slept better
noah
--escalating warfare--Friday, July 19, 2002
the boss going on vacation would seem like the best thing since sliced bread. when the dumb ass kid that has been there the longest has taken over though, this proves not to be the case. we spend the whole night with him refusing to give me tasks to complete, while overloading the foreigners with straightening the shelves and other such tasks.
to combat the numbing boredom that has ensued, i have begun to write little snatches of poetry, as well as draw little sketches, on the inside covers of the romance and mystery novels that have taken up residence in the breakroom. also, to while away the time, i write on the bathroom walls, songs and poems and little lines, meaning toeither put a smile on people's faces or drive them to dispair, maybe even late night supermarket bathroom suicide.
if i get any more bored i may begin to bring in cans of spraypaint and leave messages behind things that won't be found until long after i am gone.
noah
http://aburiedlife.pitas.comWednesday, July 17, 2002
i know a great many people that say that they have no regrets and that they don't want to ever have any. this is a foolish way to live your life. a regretless life can happen one of two ways:
you spend your whole life tiptoeing around everything and overanalyzing choices, taking the surprise and mystery out of your life.
or you don't learn from your mistakes and barrel on regardless of what the past has gone out of it's way to show you.
i may be wrong, but neither is a way that i want to live my life, i want to remember the scratches, and be free to make descisions based on where my heart pulls me.
noah
--big things--Wednesday, July 17, 2002
i have undertaken a huge task in my head. i have the name and huge feeling around a poem or story or something that i have fleshed out in my head. it will be titled 'song of the sea', and i don't care if that title is already taken (as it most likely is) by something else.
it will be about love getting in the way, and about love popping up in the strangest of places.
it will be about long and painful lifelong deaths, heroes graves, and people slipping away, falling out, and fading.
it will be about struggling for something more, and getting stuck in a life that you had no say in.
it will be about providence and accident.
clamor and the short sweet life.
simplicity and entanglement.
it will be about regret, and the huge things inside everyone with the heart to not stifle them.
it will be about glimpses of the future, and finally getting what you wanted in the first place.
lost friends and even more lost selves.
it will be about men turning into their fathers and the mysterious powers that women have.
it will be about delicate strengths and indestructible weaknesses.
i will be about me
and when it's done it might be a little bit about you as well, because all i want is the truth, and it is there, somewhere.
noah
--flying off the planet--Tuesday, July 16, 2002
so here i am, looking like a refugee, all scattered and tucked tightly into my knit cap, ill fitting pants hanging off of my bum. it is too early in the day. or too late, as it is both for me. i've been awake for way more than my alotted time this day. the night's duties have included straightening the adult diapers as well as telling a co-worker on the toilet that he has been missing for too long. ah, i love this job.
the aforementioned night floor washer apparently thinks that everyone on the night shift is gay. suprise suprise. that's okay, because he does not speak english, and thus is called some unrepeatables by others working nights. ::sigh::
every night as well, i compose letters and poems that i am afraid will never see the light of page.
here's a little fragment, with a world behind it:
sometimes the only absolution you can get
from the self betrayals of your nightmares
is a warm shower
and a cup of tea
noah
--rough--Sunday, July 14, 2002
this is pretty rough, i have a whole assortment of little bits of poems and stories that all go somewhere, but i haven't found that place lately. so i will wait it out.
noah
--words escape--Friday, July 12, 2002
coming in off no sleep in the past day and then some, i am beginning to get a touch of the blurries. the edges are getting softer, and my body is much pointier than the legal allowable limit.
last night i got to work by myself for a great portion of the night, and even put off my first break until the proper break time of four in the morning. this way, the horrible meat of the night is dead and gone and there is less than two hours between breaks; taking the last one right before it is time to leave.
antonio the night janitor hadn't been paid in weeks, and therefore, he refused to work last night, even taking the floor buffer hostage as collateral. thus it fell to none other than i to mop the floors. an enlightening experience. there is a type of zen that goes with mopping floors, the same kind that makes me pretend that i am dancing with a beautiful mop-girl-thing, and simultaneously inventing a martial art that involves mopping, rowing, and dancing along to the aphex twin song in my headphones that has been on repeat for the past five and a half hours straight. i look the part of g. i. janitor, king of the cardboard box. rolling over and over in my head are the events of the past few days: the linens 'n things innuendo fest, the near loss of consciousness behind the wheel, and all of the wonderful thoughts that this entry was almost about, if the sleep and faint smell of veggie burgers wasn't taking me away
n.
--this morning--Wednesday, July 10, 2002
i will be home soon, yes yes. i will be home soon and then the fun will begin. i am going insane. this is a good thing. i need the insanity. and the love. i will be home soon.
noah
-simple-Tuesday, July 9, 2002
i awoke about twenty minutes ago with but a single thought that i could keep in my head. less of a thought, really, than an overwhelming desire. Orange Sherbert. ten minutes later i have a slightly orange tinted bowl and vaguely sticky fingers and am in heaven.
me
-bohemia-Monday, July 8, 2002
last night i took a nap, and kept waking up every few minutes. i was disoriented, though in a good way, not at all the painful type of fitful sleep. i could hear the waves breaking in the distance and the smell of honeysuckle keeps wafting into me. half asleep this feels like home. and then i remember what is going on, and want to run away from home.
hearing the waves but not feeling the wind is the only thing that keeps me where i need to stay in my head. heart buried where i won't lose it, but i still miss it. love tucked away, but where i can find it when i need to.
this is from where i can see the rest of my life, starting with a peek ahead at the next chapter. i can see the moments and the parts that are smaller than moments that will break my heart and put the broken parts together again. and the story comes to me. walking in the door, and the music never stops. and i pick up the beat, and dance.
--wear and tear--Sunday, July 7, 2002
the poet slowly serves his sentence
--favorites--Friday, July 5, 2002
i just thought that i should share with all of you (you, all three of you, i know that that is how many read this,...i think, unless i am the newest internet sensation! oh, who am i kidding,..) what i love, in regards to art, and general living too. actually, what the hell, i'll give you all the whole rundown of what i look like as well, and all of that stuff too. though expect me to flatter myself, as i very often do, it's the only way.
Full Name:Noah Daniel Jacobs
Birthdate:December Seventeenth, Nineteen Eighty-Two
Height:Six Feet and One Inch
Weight:One-Hundred and Eighty Pounds
Eyes:Huge and Brown (though i love the fact that they have been called 'anime eyes')
Hair:Brown and tennis ball short,...i cut it myself!
Manner of dress:very eclectic, usually bought exclusively at the salvation army. usually workshirts and odd old polo shirts, and, when the weather is colder, my $1 moth-eaten gray cardigan, i love that cardigan and wear it for weeks at a time.
Shoes: Pumas and Docs, nuff said.
Enough of that frabba jabba, here is what you all really want:
Favorite Albums:Radiohead's "Kid A", The Get Up Kids "Four Minute Mile", Jane's Addiction "Ritual de lo Habitual", UNKLE "Psyence Fiction", The Beatles "Abbey Road", Red Hot Chilli Peppers "One Hot Minute", Moby "Play" and "18", Underworld "Dubnobasswithmyheadman" and "Pearls Girl" EP, Soundtracks to: "Pi" "Hackers" "Trainspotting" and "Amelie"
Favorite Songs:REM and William S. Burroughs "Star Me Kitten", Mylene Farmer "Desine Moi Un Mouton", Jane's Addiction "Classic Girl", Moby "In My Heart", Radiohead "Subterranean Homesick Alien", They Might Be Giants "New York City", Aphex Twin "Analogue Bubblebath", Bob Marley "Three Little Birds", Placebo "Special K" and "Burger Queen", Bjork "Hyperballad", Weezer "pink triangle" and "the world has turned and left me here", Everclear "Pale Green Stars" and Neutral Milk Hotel "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea"
Favorite Movies:"The Last Time I Committed Suicide", "Gift", "PI", "Hackers", "Moulin Rouge", "A Life Less Ordinary", "Trainspotting", "Chasing Amy", "Princess Mononoke", "High Fidelity", "Reality Bites", "Waking Life" is a movie that is a splinter in my little brain and keeps me thinking about it even though i kept falling asleep during it, so here it lies., "Grosse Pointe Blank", "Edward Scissorhands", "Dead Man", "Naked Lunch", and "The Breakfast Club"
Favorite Books and Authors: Neil Gaiman, Douglas Adams, Irvine Welsh, William Gibson, Harlan Ellison. "The Beach" by Alex Garland, "Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World" by Haruki Murakami, "Pulp" by Charles Bukowski, "On The Road" by Jack Kerouac, "Weetzie Bat" by Francesca Lia Block, "Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoyevski, "East, West" by Salman Rushdie, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" by Hunter Thompson.
Poems and Poets: Charles Bukowski, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, "Letters to Xiola" by Perry Farrell, "And Death Shall Have No Dominion" by Dylan Thomas, "If" by Rudyard Kipling, and countless others.
Comic Books: "Sandman!", "Preacher",
"Death: The High Cost of Living", "Signal to Noise", "Optic Nerve", "Astro City", "Bone", "Sin City", "Amazing Fantasy 15", and just about everything.
Food!: Veggie products, radishes, rice noodles, anything thai, rye bread, peanut butter, pizza and ice cream, ramen noodle, tofu prepared ala noah, green peppers, bean burritos, hummus, guacamole, coffee, green tea,eggplant parm., veggie chilli, and ketchup.
Blacklisted Items:Olives, meat of any sort, soda, and potato chips
more to come, until tomorrow,....
noah
--better--Thursday, July 4, 2002
twirl under the stars
and see the power lines
criss cross the sky
and know the in this light
that this is realer than real
and even though the stars are out
i still just want to go to sleep
noah
--art--Wednesday, July 3, 2002
i really need to learn to do art. there are so many things that are skittering around inside of me that clip one another and send off sparks,... i need something for these sparks to light.
me.
-sleep deprivation-Wednesday, July 3, 2002
it's hot. very hot. and quite sticky at the same time. this being said then you'll understand that i have had only four and a half hours sleep. it isn't fair and it isn't right, but it just so happens to be the way that the events occur. and even though i have been coping fabulously with the lack of sleep lately, a couple of days ago my body rebelled and the break room bathroom became my own personal vomitorium. i just don't know if this is going to happen again, and if i car effectively cheat on the sleep to do the fun things that are waiting for me later on in the week. we'll see. worse case scenario is that i will go insane, have a big headache, and lose my pizzastuffs all over a bathroom that is not mine.
in other news, come and visit, all of yez. i miss my proper life, which i have not had (sadly) for about a years time now. get down here, there will be great beach fun, i swear.
noah
-for the record-Wednesday, July 3, 2002
just a few clarifications about my life that have some people mystified
1)as nice as i am, and as much of a crush that i have on Ewan McGregor, i am not gay. sorry gents, not in the least. so men, stop lusting after me, and women, you know what to do.
2) although i attend state schools, i am not a drug maniac or a drunk. nope, sorry, not me. i do enjoy a glass of wine here and there, but keggers are not my scene.
3)i am very very lonely.
noah
-out-Tuesday, July 2, 2002
waltzing through an empty house
i start to fantisize a life
and we can fall asleep
and we can drive around
this life is what i need
but from my perch
at before the beginning
i can see til after the end
and i'm not ready to sing
that sad song about you
just yet
noah
-ninja lifestyle-Tuesday, July 2, 2002
oh the indignity!,..it's not bad enough that i have to spend my summer far far away from everyone that i love. that i work a six day week, and only interact with people whose grasp of the english language is marginal. and even that though the beach is so close, i never get to see it because i am sleeping while the sun is shining. but to have such crappy an internet connection that keeps dumping me while in the middle of keeping contact with my nearest and dearest, that is just bad form.
on the other hand, i am optimistic about the summer. i think that i will make it by the skin of my teeth. otherwise, i may have to quit and never work in the grocery indusrty again. ah me. i have decided that the only way to win is to arm myself well with music and make sure that the pirates don't kick me in my sleep. fucking pirates,....
noah
-not again-Saturday, June 29, 2002
this was a rough morning, many ominous vibrations that i hope don't poke up their little heads again. i was having some major doubts about my summer plan, whether or not it was worth living the buried life. i had a moment, and held it there right in front of my eyes...... and then it was gone, and i was a free man again, the true owner of every sight, sound and sensation that was good in the world.
let's hope it holds
noah
--things--Friday, June 28, 2002
i'm counting the days until i leave here, right now it's just about putting in the time until i get to leave. kind of like a prison sentance, or working on an oil rig. i really can't wait to get back to my life, and all of my friends. being home for a few days has really impressed upon me how good life really is, and how much i really need my friends to keep me happy. that's right, i'm using the dreaded word 'need'. people shy away from saying that they need something or someone because of the dependency implied by that term. but i have to say that i am perfectly comfortable saying that i need my friends. really, you all make my life what it is. and life is an amazing place to be. i love and need you all, and will be home soon.
noah
--days and days--Friday, June 28, 2002
i hear the song
that is the beauty of music
listening to the melody
makes me want to dance
that dance that isn't dancing
so take my hand
and let's dance
noah
-home-Thursday, June 27, 2002
so i'm home again, and it has never felt better. yesterday after work i drove here directly, hoping that the lack of sleep would not catch up with me in a significant way. the ride home was a hairy one, the first of the nodding off spells, but not as bad as i have done in the past, and i arrived safely. and what was waiting for me when i got back to the central part of the state? love. yes kids, lots and lots of love. i have had so much love that i can feel it in my sleep, all sticky and such. oh, wait, that may just be the fact that is so friggin hot here, away from the wonderful cooling effects of the ocean, that clothes stick to my hot body all the time.
and speaking of my hot body, as soon as i got off the highway and into my former workplace, everyone commented "wow, you're getting really thin." which was kinda nice, the compliments from pretty girls, but kinda scary as i didn't think that it was so noticable. ah, methis is all going according to plan, however, oh yes, mwaaaa.
the lack of sleep caught up with my brain as soon as i picked up jessica (i'm not sure how much coincidence this is) and suddenly mush mode kicked in, with a touch of perversEo. everything was an innuendo, and it was all very funny, despite the pooh poohs from others. we went to the video store where i was reunited with my long lost love lisa and gal pal mika. god i missed those little lasses. one thing lead to another, and they were both invited on the cape cod excursion, where all of the cool kids will be, come the third week in august(except for the out of staters, i pine for you..).
then the thingy on my waist started to ring and i answered and it was a giant robot named justin who wanted to watch a movie or such. luckily we had gotten Waking Life from the video store on out excursion, and were fully armed. we chatted on into the evening hours, and when we could stand it no more, we watched the movie. it was excellent, however, by this time, my sorry state had caught up with me and i was nodding off every few minutes. sad, poor little noah can't take a night without sleep without getting a bit loopy and then falling asleep, heh, wanker.
and then the ride home was a trick, first bringing jessica because of the long distance thing, and rather having the company of two for the long ride either way than having it for the short ride to annaland (sara barss, mayor), and being alone on the long ride back. as i started to come back to drop off anna however, my vision started to go all woogey on me, and temporary blindness as well as nodding off is not a winning combo. but i made it home safe and sound, killing very few small animals on the way.
it was a magical trip, and i have to say that it has made me contemplate quitting my job so as to get back to this good life. but i think that i will serve out the rest of my sentance and then make my return in my cheap, prison issue suit at the end of the summer, replete with money and new car (i love you jerry, i really do, but we have grown apart as people) anyway, i should take a nap, and get my strength up for a ride back to the ends of the earth.
noah
-letter to my brother-Sunday, June 23, 2002
shut up and just relax. your life is not at all bad, you just need a nap, or some perspective. but just calm down. and don't be so dramatic, it's pretentious.
grrrrrr
noah
-new-Sunday, June 23, 2002
it's nine at night and i'm making coffee. this working nights is going to do me in by the end of the summer. and i have to pick up the russians before work, all four of us (me, ivan, rasto, and paulina) packed into the cab of the old pickup truck which seats one less person than we are. ivan and the diminutive paulina share a seat really, as they are an item, her following him across the atlantic. they're always waiting at the corner near their hotel, which is funny because in order to turn around and head back out onto the road, i have to pull far past them into the motel parking lot. though they wait at the same spot every night and i have to awkwardly maneuver the vehicle around into more than one blind spot.
when we get to work, minutes are spent smoking cigarettes on the bench outside (of which i am the only one to abstain, not needing the complication to health as well as the comraderie that smokers seem to share). and then we are finally let into the store, and kill as much time as possible getting coffee, punching in on the clock, and wandering aimlessly around the aisles until the boss shows up, and then the dash back to the stockroom to make ourselves look busy at our own tasks before we are given the ones that we don't want.
at around 330 in the morning, time stands still. by this time all of the stock is priced and up on the shelves, and the next three hours have to be occupied with straightening the boxes of everything on the shelves and the placing of backstock into the different department areas. not the most exciting work there is to do, even for stockboy fare. but it gives me time to think. and what do i think about?
girls
what else is there?
noah
-renunciations-Saturday, June 22, 2002
if i had been better adjusted
i would have kept my mouth shut
using the abbreviations
needing to learn the new moves
another one of those days
i know i'm bluffing
but you're not so sure
noah
-i'm glad i spent it with you-Friday, June 21, 2002
today was the most beautiful day that i have seen sofar this year. the tide was low around three o'clock when i went for a walk on the beach, and the sun was high in the sky. then i remembered that today is the solstice, the longest day of the year. and with my ankles buried in the sand inbetween the bars, with the alternating hot and cold eddies swirling around my shins, i have forgotten all of the turmoil that has been whiping my heart lately. it's perfect, and even though i have so many more words, i'll hold my tongue, and share with you later.
noah
-the future-Thursday, June 20, 2002
mmmm, here is a very informational update today, due to deep poetic rumblings that are needing elucidation
as many of you may already know, i cannot see very well (or at all, as i often claim) out of my left eye. soon however, i shall have glasses, as i wore when i was just a little one. many of you may have seen the pictures and are saying "boy noah, you'll look funny like that. you sure were a weird looking little child." but i assure you, i will look good, maybe even a little better than i normally do.
this summer is also an endevour into becoming a decent cook. i know what you're saying "but noah, adding salsa to food is not exactly cooking." pish tosh. i can cook tofu to great effect, can you? yeah, i thought so. come this fall, cooking a nice vegetarian meal will be much better than the past 'veggieburgers-in-the-toaster-oven' ordeals.
also, certain lovely young ladies have proven adept at using their hockey sticks to slap shot my mind into the gutter. true, this is where my brain belongs, but i am hardly one to keep from wandering off from where i belong. and still, i thank all of you girls.
well, that's it for the updates, i am off to the united nations of supermarkets, to work with the russians and slovakians (i smiled when they asked me "are you an american?", good not being obviously american.) have a nice night.
noah
-falling back in-Wednesday, June 19, 2002
so now you have the decoder ring
and go over all of the lines
to see where they meet up
coming out of the cypher
i'll whisper to you
a string of truths
as you roll over in your sleep
because it all has something to do
with something
and it all means
something
to me
noah
-new powers-Wednesday, June 19, 2002
skipping stones is TOO a super power!
-chain gang-Tuesday, June 18, 2002
i started the night shift two nights ago. and it wasn't that hard, picking up cases of food, pricing and putting them on the shelves. not rocket science. the hardest part though was trying to filter out all of the endless chatter from one of my co workers about 'wicked hot girls that would totally hook up with him.'
*sigh* but when i am not being inundated by chatter from this supernormal youth, the long quiet nights give me the time that i have always wanted to just think. given this extra time to my mind's own devices, it seems like i am getting calmer. not rushing to force my brain to follow the tugs of the heartstrings.
in other news, i'm going to try to be more dilligent in updating, getting used to these nights is easy, but i need to rearrange my time instead of sitting and watching the clouds over the rim of my teacup.
noah
-anniversary-Sunday, June 16, 2002
and i remember my grandmother now
half awake
half asleep
and the song that she sang for my grandfather
on their anniversary
'i love you, i will love you forever' she sings
in german
and i realize that i'm the only one crying
as we listen to the tape
years later
because i'm the only one who understands the words
noah
-zero-love-Saturday, June 15, 2002
and then there are the jokes
that are shared in that quiet way
the manic looks and tacit nods
or the well placed words
and intent hidden in plain sight
but that is neither here nor there
noah
-my own private mantua-Thursday, June 13, 2002
so here we play the waiting game.
the check is in the mail.
i have the cupboard stocked.
and my tea water is boiling.
i have all night.
and if you should come to me now.
i will love you for an extra little piece of forever.
noah
-why is my head so big?-Wednesday, June 12, 2002
i know everything, okay? that is just it, i know it all, so don't try to surprise me. or rather, please try to suprise, i like suprises.
in other news, buying clothes when you're feeling about yourself, is like shopping for food when you're hungry. bad news, i now own an orange shirt that is a shade too small for me, and coming down off this "i'm pretty" high, i think that it may have been a mistake. oh well, i know plenty of friends of mine, of the small and female persuasion who would like it. ::sigh::
here's another thought, what girls want: they either want criminals with poets hearts, or sensitive types that are still men. god is not so generous with poet's hearts, and the sensitive ones are usually not as strong as they are needed to be. just an opinion. not pointed at anyone of you dear readers. again, if you are reading this, there is a good chance that i love you.
noah
-state of the union-Wednesday, June 12, 2002
today is the day to roll it all around in my little head, figure out what it is that i really want, existential to say the least, but if space aliens come and take me, it's all up in the air once again. i need a distraction.
today is also one of those days that i look in the mirror and go "damn you're fine", so all is well at this end. despite hitting myself in the face with a box and cutting my face.
in other news, i eat so much rice noodle soup that i feel like i'm in a pow camp.
noah
-shady business-Tuesday, June 11, 2002
erik was running away from the marines. still, this did not explain why he had been sleeping on my floor for the past week... though sleeping was not completely correct, it was more of a situation where he would do a lot of speed and sit up at my computer all night long, composing music with headphones on. in the morning, invariably he would have a twenty minute track of very fast and very beepy sounds. in the morning, we went to the dining halls and he picked at a plate of potatoes, and shuddered, cupping mug of coffee in his hands, complaining about the lack of under the table employment, as well as the quality of mainstream DJed music.
the scam went like this. one person goes into an electronics store and buys whatever item that they have enough to buy(fiber optic cables work especially well for this, as they are $45 and not kept under lock and key). simultaneously, an accomplice steals the same item while the clerk is busy vending the one to setup man. fifteen minutes after purchasing the item, the straight man comes back and returns the item "i forgot my recipt" they say. days later the other person returns the item to another location in the chain, with recipt, and monies are made.
on this occasion, however, waiting with the engine running, something was wrong. five minutes after he went in, erik came out walking calmly walking while in front of the big windows at the front of the store, he dropped into a dead run toward the getaway vehicle as soon as he got away from the clerks view. "i don't want to panic you, but you need to get us out of here, rather quickly"
speedy, but not too speedy get away ensues, and we get back to the base safe and unpursued. the electronics store employees had gotten wise to this scam (as they do with the classics) and called the other store across town to confirm that this item was sold there. this is when DJ AWOL (as i had taken to calling him) had taken off, forgeting the money and cable.
that night, he also outlined a great plan to sell fake ecstacy at a frat party. thankfully this night he also decided to go back to the marines.
noah
-shifts-Tuesday, June 11, 2002
nothing but rice noodles and love. one of those days to feel the insanity set in
feels like my eyeballs are pounding a fast retreat
and it's all moving a little slower now, and i do everything to make this feel like a prison sentance
but i won't break a dead run or fall into forty pieces
just because of all there is left
i'll wake you before i go
noah
-quotes-Monday, June 10, 2002
remember kids "Bruce Keough is focused like a laser on the state's problems" this is the man i shall vote for.
also, the spokesman for Cardinal Bernard Law was quoted as saying "it doesn't matter what you believe"
and again, the assistant manager at the grocery store at which i am working asked me how i was doing at the job, i said fine, and he said "well, if you are considering making a career out of this, you are learning from a good manager"...beat...(this is the point in the story where i supress laughter, pushing it down to wherever laughs come from)
anyway, just a little morning one to tide you all over
noah
-nighttime on the cape-Saturday, June 8, 2002
cape cod is the quietest place that i know, and the only place that i know where you can't really see time march on, except for the sun traveling across the sky, and the swell and dip of the tides. at night this can be nerve nerve racking as you try to fall asleep, or absolutely thrilling if you turn your head to the sky, taking in the full overturned bowl of the stars.
once, i actually had an opportunity to lie out under the stars. it was an incredibly hot august day, and a friend of mine was camping out in a tent in the yard of his house, just set back from the shore. being no more room in the tent, i dragged over a cot and a blanket. i didn't really sleep, though for a few hours i stayed in that beautiful place between sleep and awake that feels like it was made for just me. and the stars just stayed there and did their thing. to this day, i keep meaning to learn what all of the constallations are, but never seem to have the time.
the stars seem one hundred times as bright on the beach, for lack of any light that is not coming from the stars and moon. the most intriguing thing in the sky, that never can be seen from farther inland, is the bright haze that seems set back from all of the bigger players in the sky, those distinct points of light. this cloud seems like a trick of eyes that haven't adjusted to the dark, but it is really just proof of the shape and scope of the galaxy. part of one of the arms. and i have never seen it from anywhere else but the top of the staircase leading to the beach, the view from which seems to be direct proof of the spherical nature of the planet. either that, or we have a vaulted cathedral ceiling and are crawling around on the floors of a prime piece of real estate. seven rooms and seven bath. a bit of a fixer upper, as the current tenants have made a bit of a mess.
sleeping under the stars, however, is quite the romantic notion, and what it's cracked up to be, as such notions often are. and more often than not leaves you cold in the morning, after not a wink of sleep, climbing into your bedroom window, sleeping a few hours, before taking the shower to warm up a little, before facing the day.
noah
-sunsets-Saturday, June 8, 2002
looked out at the sunset on the bay, and the reflections of the water looked like a giant petrol spill that dropping sun would just set on fire. and for that last second, i was worried. but the sun set routinely, and the fires have burnt themselves out. after the last light had faded, i became keenly aware of the holes in my one dollar wool sweater. so i wiped the sand off my bare feet and walked home.
noah
-memory-Friday, June 7, 2002
and at that gas station
on the edge of the desert
i read something
seemed escaped years ago
walking into the bathroom
and seeing there on the wall
"it'll happen for you someday"
and in three easy steps
click click click
i'm gone
noah
-strange vibrations-Friday, June 7, 2002
last night i went down for a little nap at around five thirty. as i wondered in that little conscious bit of my brain why i kept waking up every so often (not having a clock to be able to properly gauge how often it was). finally i woke up from one of those dreams that you wake from and worry "would i actually do that?" and looked at the clock
it was half past midnight and a storm was raging outside, replete with strobes of ligtning and peals of thunder. twelve thirty. and i couldn't sleep another wink. listening to that thunder with my eyes closed, not at all asleep, but not what you'd call awake by any means, i began to think back to that dream that woke me up. nothing completely horrible, mind you, just things that i would not do. like the dreams where i realize that i have forgotten that i don't eat meat, remember suddenly, and then wonder if i have forgotten in the past and not at all remembered.
this dream was puzzling though, i couldn't figure out why this dream was bothering me so much. and then it hit me, i was giving myself a history lesson. this was only what had come before, exaggerated and symbolized, nothing that a few hours barely awake thought couldn't decipher. i wonder if i would be able to see through all of my dreams like this, given that much quiet and enough thought while the dreams are fresh in my head.
what this adds up to, is that i am not the same person that i was then, just a few years ago. and i'm fine with that.
in other news, i have plenty of funny stories, more to come this afternoon.
if you're reading this, chances are i love you
noah
-o lost-Tuesday, June 4, 2002
so this is where we begin the new exile
on a windswept beach
or a sandblasted highway
spotting the ocean through the dunes
killing time more than anything else
waiting to go home
at the taco stand
people pass behind me
and i think that i see the faces
of my friends
and the happy and sad are equal
coming in waves
listening to the wide world at midnight
hearing the sighs and footfalls
drifting in and out of sleep
and waking hot and cold
seeing your shape
in the absence
looking at my torn hands
i think of you
and the pieces of me that disappear
noah
-scenes from a grocery store-Monday, June 3, 2002
isle 1, this morning: "oh my god! not the mayo!" **CRASH**
isle 2, later this morning: "we're going to get fired for this, we're going to get fired for this, marc is going to fire us for this,..... hi marc."
isle 3, noon: "i hate all of the customers"
stockroom, early afternoon: "yep, nothing better than a good piece of wood"
isle 8, still early afternoon jacob: "hey dana, how's it going?" dana (under breath "..you suck.."
outside, afternoon: "noah, you are now in charge of pantyliners!" "yay!"
noah
::turncoats::Sunday, June 2, 2002
it's been one of those weekends where everything and one has seemed to betray me. i've heard all of the names that make me cringe way deep down inside, and people have done those things that they promised they wouldn't do. this is far too cryptic for a public journal, but maybe this one is a little more for me than for you.
in other news, i got some good advice, and some that i have chosen to ignore.
things look up though, and i continue to be bulletproof, more on that tomorrow.
noah
::past lives::Sunday, June 2, 2002
heh, the french, they just crack me up...
::burdens::Saturday, June 1, 2002
and don't think for a second
that i didn't notice
the last light of the long day
on the sea
and don't think that i didn't remember
your beautiful silhouette
as you walked away
cap'n j
::upon seeing the sea::Saturday, June 1, 2002
it was that moment
when the burden is off your back
and you're almost free
when you have shaken the load
and you realize
that art
is not too terrible a thing
to have to carry
and walking away
you spin around
and fill your pockets with what is left
and walk away whistling
rolling those stones over in your hands
noah
::gone::Saturday, June 1, 2002
you can be me when i'm gone
::soulboy::Thursday, May 30, 2002
a few interesting things today.
on my break at work today i went back to the truck and found one of my dad's notebooks. i never knew before that he wrote, almost all of it about the ocean and fishing. all of it really good. "sometimes the beaches are so empty that you feel like the last person left on earth."
thought of an great analogy for an old relationship long gone. there was a time when me and her ordered chinese food delivered every time that we got together, and we came to the conclusion that the chinese food there was the best anywhere.... that restaurant was closed by the board of health for their methods of drying food on the floor and reusing the order in leftovers (that people in the restaurant had not finished) for the takeout customers.
eddie and i used to kung fu fight every time that we saw each other. never really talking to one another, just the kung fu. another person that disappeared without a trace. like my pretenders t-shirt.
me
::revenge is ours::Wednesday, May 29, 2002
i think that when start cooking in earnest for friends this fall i am going to have to be a bit evil, and feel perfectly justified.
example: boggle eye number one: "ooh, that looks good, is that what's for dinner?"
me: "oh, i'm sorry, this is a special lemon dill tofu dish for us vegetarians. but there is a jar of Pork Tidbits that i picked up for you folks, you might want to microwave them some"
boggle eye number two: "you are evil"
noah
::first day::Wednesday, May 29, 2002
went to work today, worked with a guy that resembles my cousin, you know, the one that dropped out of high school, still lives at home, and recently became a father.
I have realized that by the time this summer is over, i am going to be carved of wood,...or have disappeared completely.
also, there sure are some scary meat products out there,...
me
::shots across the bow::Tuesday, May 28, 2002
i want the names of these men unwilling to be men.
shape up, or i will steal your girlfriends
i have a lot of free time
you have been warned
don noah
:a buried life:Tuesday, May 28, 2002
i was just thinking that i wish that i could strip books of their titles and liberally redistribute them among authors that are more deserving (i don't care if some of them are considered 'classics', not on my watch!). titles such as "as i lay dying", "look homeward, angel", and even so much as "gravity's rainbow" should be given to books that are much easier to read. whereas dostoevski's masterpiece gets the flattened "crime and punishment." this is clearly a misappelation of a title. but i guess if i started to rename all of the classics now, people would never know what i was talking about. much like when i refer to "whiny crap" by john knowles that we read in high school.
little old me
noah
::Tuesday, May 28, 2002
i've never been blinded by the light, but there are the spots in my visionwhen i look away
noah
:my boy:Tuesday, May 28, 2002
average male 18-24? oh, while it is true that i did watch the basketball game last night, it is also true that i have reviewed the 'game footage' and the claims that ewan mcgregor has a makeup artist are indeed true.
if you know then you know
noah
:soy and loathing:Tuesday, May 28, 2002
the tofu is glaring at me from the shelf in the fridge,...it feels neglected. especially when i pass it over for the soyburgers in the back. and even when i get the jug of water for coffee, it haunts me with it's beany little eyes. the salsa concurs. the onion is all pissed off. the lettuce is crying. and the cheese just feels used. this is why i hate making lunch, at dinner everyone is so much happier.
me
:816:Monday, May 27, 2002
It's the first new thing in
a long time
when the water has been drained
from the pool
and we can hear the orchestra
which has been playing at the bottom
the whole time
Noah
:back to me:Monday, May 27, 2002
so the man with the heart bigger than
his hands opens his jacket
and at that precise moment stars
fall out of line
into his eyes
an oldie, but still true
noah
:you:Monday, May 27, 2002
the inside half-joke truths that lie herein, are stumbling stones buried in the sand, just waiting for someone who is in on the joke to trip.
-n
:"2x+3(10)?" "no":Monday, May 27, 2002
and once, I actually got a negative ten percent score on a math midterm. it happened to be that math class where i just did absolutely nothing the entire time but draw hearts on the desk (for no reason at all, my doodles are always hearts, I blame symmetry), and discuss the virtues of Nirvana Unplugged In New York. the teacher did not really teach so much as she
passed out text books and wrote disparaging comments on homework assignments (i still remember the triple frowny face like it was yesterday, and the "this is insulting", can't forget that one). well, after failing the first half of the year, she passed out the midterm exam, and noted for us all "anyone who speaks during this exam gets ten points subtracted from their score." upon viewing this exam, none of the questions made any sense to me, and furthermore, the main equation that was the basis for the most part of the exam was not provided for us. i was forced to exclaim the only phrase that would allow me to retain my dignity as well as proclaim my defeat "Oh Fuck" "that's it, ten points off your score, noah",....needless to say, those were not points that I could spare. needless to say, a math teacher believes in negative numbers, even in grading. and this is how i failed the one class that i have ever failed. i tend to think that i did the best i could, even when failing. others were not so sure.
excelsior!
noah
:more of my sass:Monday, May 27, 2002
true rumours:
1) I am deathly afraid of falling up the stairs
2) I am a ninja, and perfer to keep company with fellow ninjas
3) Though was not there on the night in question, it is undeniably my fault
4) I consider any state north of Massachusetts "savage land"
5) I am currently awaiting the expirations of several statutes of limitations
6) Even my "short pants" are inappropriately long
just a few of the less controversial points
noah
:pasta!:Monday, May 27, 2002
the post formerly here has been sent back to the factory for retooling, got now, you get blank:
::Monday, May 27, 2002
i think that i will have to take up macrame, or just plain whittlin' to keep myself occupied.
yeap
Noah
:infrared or ultraviolet?:Monday, May 27, 2002
i was just wondering, if i wait nice and quietly for the future, do you think that i could get a good deal on one of those electro-monacle thingys that look so futuristic and that everyone from the future that travels to here seems to have? you know, the dealies that jut out from the side of your head and let you see things that normal people can't see,.... if so, can i get a translucent blue one?
waiting my 6-8 weeks
Noah
:perchance to dream:Sunday, May 26, 2002
there are the days when you do all you possibly can, and still fall into the traps that there are waiting for you.
then there are the days when you clean the barrel at the breakfast table, oil the action in the garden at midday, load the shells while reading the evening paper, crawl into bed at night, roll over and kiss your shotgun goodnight,......
same problem as ever,
noah
:that cold night:Sunday, May 26, 2002
and then and there it was night time at home. and hugging her as to say good bye, the cold moon shining down on the both of them, he looked at her and saw the stars reflected in her eyes. It was a kissing moment, and the kiss did not happen. he was relieved and ashamed and excited as he shambled back to his car, only half knowing what had just transpired.
and here and now, that is since past, disillusionments carried in open hands ready to throw it away, but knowing that they are rings that stuck on broken fingers. though for some reason different stars reflect off of different things. and he sits on the bluffs and writes love letters to the things that he keeps hidden, things that are newfound.
overgrown,
Noah
::toaster burn::Sunday, May 26, 2002
yes, this is a toaster oven burn.
no, i don't care to elaborate.
-N
::A funny story::Sunday, May 26, 2002
Funny story: I was sitting in on a friend's college computer course, and it was a lecture given by a gentleman about software testing. He is talking about his business and the various ways that software is tested. All of this, needless to say, is over my head. About forty five minutes into an hour lecture he begins to talk about "mechanically testing software durability." now, for some reason, my mind spits out images without asking for my permission first, and somehow the image that corresponds to "mechanically testing software durability" is a monkey hitting a pile of diskettes with a hammer....... I'm as puzzled as you are. Regardless of my funny little mind's workings, I began to crack up, right in the middle of this lecture, stifling my hysterical fits of laughter, and drawing considerable attention to myself in that thirty something odd member classroom. Finally, i choked down the last of my giggles, wiped the laughter tears from my eyes, and sat still for the remaining few minutes of class, fully aware of the computer science student eyes on me. Then I silently absconded from the room, waiting for my friend, who was a little embarassed for having brought the hysterically laughing guest.
ah, memories,
Noah
::Armistice Day::Sunday, May 26, 2002
Today is Armistice Day
Let's change the world
Or at least not fight.
written on the day in question,
Noah
::just a little idea::Sunday, May 26, 2002
Riding the shuttle into town this early afternoon, the view from the bus window is the alternation of dune and breaking waves, and this is exactly what I want. Lately public transportation has held an appeal that I can't quite pin down. First with the commuter rail trains, bringing me from one state capitol to another in under an hour, and today taking the little bus to the ends of the earth, and all for less than fifteen dollars. The buses are piloted by little old men, the kind which I think only exist out here, sandblasted little gents, looking like they were rolled in the tide. Very much like beachglass, really. Floating, really, down the street, i get a funny idea in my head. A story that feels like it should remain just a very few basic sentences. I just get the feeling of an angel that has fallen to earth, and spends a great deal of time walking in crowds, trying to spread goodness, simply by smiling at people and looking them in the eyes. Like any angel he is gentle and has a lightness that is befitting only heaven. Frail, but unstoppable after a fashion. But regardless of the nature of this being, everyone just thinks that he is gay. or on drugs. or both.
Just a little idea,
Noah
::the beginning::Sunday, May 26, 2002
well, here we go, I have finally given in to the pressures of the onliney posting fever (much like the pogs craze of junior high school, still finding those buggers in the strangest places). If you are hoping for searing insights into the life of a summer recluse, you might be disappointed, and i'm afraid that all i can offer is something that is vaguely entertaining. But at least there is that,..... Or maybe you will be in luck and I will swiftly turn into the "twitchy, hallucinating skeleton" that has been promised to me, either way, someone wins. then again, this is the beginning, so i may have some fabulous insights that make the both of us think. either way, someone wins.
cheers,
Noah
